Queen Elizabelph II on Remembrance Sunday 2018

Queen Elizabelph II on Remembrance Sunday 2018

Elizabelph II™ (Elizabelph Adore Medhueina Vaher, born 30 February 19..err..) is the constitutional monarch of the Kingdom of Vaheria. She is perhaps most well-known for her role as Queen of Vaheria, a small and rather obscure nation in the east of Erehwon, often mistaken for a spot of dirt, or a mis-print on most maps.

Elizabelph is widely regarded as the nation's favourite, due to bringing her country into a prominent spot in the world's gaze due to repeated international incidents, caused by the Queen's frequently inappropriate and excessive use of social media. As such is it now recognized the world over, and is a popular destination for tourism, as well as psychologists, who have coined the term 'Vaherian Syndrome' as a catch-all phrase referring to the mass-Stockholm syndrome experienced by the nation towards their Queen.

Early Life

Elizabelph is (presumably) the daughter of a man and a woman. It is unknown who they were, as the ancestral documents of the Royal Family of Vaheria are prohibited from entering public knowledge. It is widely presumed one of Elizabelph's parents was monarch before her.

It was confirmed by a palace source in late 2014 that the Queen is actually the successor to King Harry Vill Vaher.


Up until 2008 Queen Elizabelph I, the rest of Vaheria, and the continent of Erehwon slept in a magic-induced slumber. Having been in this dreamless state for over 400 years, the Queen decided upon awakening to move with the times. When Vaheria was re-introduced to the world in 2012, Her Majesty decided to do so as a modern and forward-thinking ruler. As such she held another coronation and re-crowned herselph Elizabelph II. A new look was also in order for the Queen, her palaces, and Vaheria in general, with many exciting new developments taking place, such as the construction of roads, and the introduction of automobiles to Vaheria. It was the Queen's idea to retain much of Vaheria's renaissance buildings and look, to preserve the culture of her peoples and country.
Official 2014 Portrait of HM Queen Elizabelph II

Official 2014 Portrait of HM Queen Elizabelph II.

The existence of Vaheria, and subsequently the reign of Queen Elizabelph II, came under criticism in the year 2012. One historian, Doctor Bernard, documented this 'new arrival' to the world's stage in his infamous book 'The Problem with Vaheria'. In it the book details increasingly intricate conspiracy theories involving time travel, questioning the legitimacy of Queen Elizabelph's rule, regarding the legitimacy of Vaheria as a real country, wondering why no-one had noticed Erehwon "go missing" hundreds of years before, and that the Queen was secretly a multitude of different people and personas, appearing at different points throughout time, as no-one could possibly ever live for so long and change their face so many times. Doctor Bernard even went so far as to claim that the Queen was responsible for the sleeping curse which affected an entire continent. The book was subsequently banned nationwide, and by royal decree publicly burned en masse in the forecourt of Suckingham Palace.

Questions arose at the U.N because of this incident, as such the Vaherian government were not pleased, and Queen Elizabelph took it as a personal offence. The government responded by issuing a statement from their headquarters in Vaheria's capital, Lindon:

"There are no problems with Vaheria."

In retaliation Doctor Bernard was extradited to Vaheria, where he was sentenced to life imprisonment without trial, in the Tower of Lindon. Doctor Bernard has not been seen or heard from since his arrival in Vaheria, which has prompted more conspiracy theories as to his whereabouts, should he even still be alive.

Personality & Opinion

Queen Elizabelph is quick to anger, easily confused and has a low tolerance for both alcohol and boredom. Her short attention span and mood swings make for an often unpredictable reaction to any given circumstance, as a constitutional monarch her character alignment is chaotic neutral. Her Majesty takes great pride in her appearance and it has been illegal to talk disparagingly about her in Vaheria for centuries. The Queen swears frequently, often inappropriately, and enjoys speaking in text-speak during speeches and ceremonies "to lighten the mood" as she once said. When writing a formal letter to friends or family she is known to use near-perfect English, with minor humorous changes to the language.

Vintage Queen Photo

HM Queen Elizabelph II at her desk.

The Queen has a fondness for sugary sweets and drinks tea to an excessive degree. Always presented immaculately, her majesty is never seen in public without makeup, hair and clothes the way she wants them. Elizabelph is also known for her thriftiness and ingenious ways of earning the Crown's revenue; via the trademarking of her own name, and the word 'road'. The Queen often tells jokes and believes she has a great sense of humour, usually finding something to laugh about in the most appalling of circumstances or the most trying of times. It is this resilience that enamors her people of her so. When offended the Queen is swift to react with an often decisive and deliberate blow. Usually to the head. You know you've really offended her if it's with the blade of the executioner's axe.


Queen Elizabelph II balcony

Queen Elizabelph & her consort Prince Bunyip celebrate the anniversary of the Queen's coronation.

In matters of ruling, the Queen willingly imparts her knowledge and personal opinion on matters of state and government, sometimes point blank refusing to summon Parliament, and ruling alone for vast periods of time when they have displeased her. Elizabelph willfully disobeys the advice of her council and will often go joyriding, hunting, dancing or on holiday, moving the court at a moment's notice, or at the drop of a hat, to avoid her responsibilities or problems. The Queen is however noted for her tolerant attitude towards peoples and persons of all sexes, species, and time periods, and welcomes them to her court frequently. A very liberal woman, the Queen detests narrow-minded people, and rarely hesitates to put lesser persons in their place with her regal, and possibly magical power. This no-nonsense attitude towards morality and reality has led her to be named one of Time's top 100 most unrealistic anti-heroes ever.

Recording the Christmas Message in 2017


The Queen's duties consist of her weekly meeting with the Prime Minister of Vaheria, her weekly telephone call with the Mayor of Fugmoor, and the daily reading of all the state papers she can find. Other duties include hosting parties, standing on the royal balcony, going to glittering soirees and events, taking tea, hosting audiences with people, writing letters, going on walkabouts to meet her subjects, and going on State Visits to benefit the nation. When it is Vaheria's turn she will also play host to the visitng nation. The Queen also makes speeches at the State Opening of Parliament, and her Christmas Message.

One's Christmas Speech 2016

One's Christmas Speech 2016

The Queen's Christmas Broadcast, 2016.


The Queen on a walkabout in Fugmoor, 2015


The Queen is a great fan of recording her own witticisms, and employs a scribe to note them all down in a great book in the royal library at Vaher Castle.

To the Governor of Sighreland after ordering his family imprisoned for eating too noisily: "I'm not evil, you're just narrow-minded."

In a speech to the United Nations after the audience laughed at a joke of hers: "I am not one for gaiety, frivolity, or frequentuous jubilation. I am the sovereign of Vaheria and I shall remain stoic in the face of adversity."

To a guest at a state banquet who refused the invitation to dine: "Do you see those steps? The walk up those will cure you of your lack of appetite. Not that you need any help, judging from the looks of you."

To the Royal Fogbearer at the state opening of Parliament: "Stop WASTING my fog, I NEED IT for DRAMATIC entrances and AMBIANCE."

After being told by a heckler in the crowd on a walkabout that Fugmoor would 'take a shit on Vaheria': " Fugmoor is already a shitstain on Vaheria's glorious and noble reputation."

Iconography of the Queen


Her Majestry Queen Elizabelph II 2018 Portrait

The Queen likes having her portrait painted, and keeps a collection of portraits in her various palaces and residences. She also currently features on every single fugger coin minted in Vaheria, and every stamp also. Her Majestry's love affair with portraiture began with her official coronation portrait. She has an official portrait painted each year, preferring the skill required in the construction of an oil painting over that of taking a simple photograph, which the Queen often delightfully reminds court photographers as she ridicules them and their chosen profession.