Kinky Nostalgia

Kinky Nostalgia (Kinky Patsy Elpha Nostalgia, real name unknown, born 19fluctu8) is the stage name of a world famous entertainer, who goes by the name 'Kinky Nostalgia'.

Despite recent troubles including a long string of repeated legal issues, incidents of criminal lawsuits, damages settlements, and a severely crippling drug and alcohol addiction, Kinky has managed to remain in the public eye through it all. I don't know how either?

It was revealed in August 2014 after a candid paparazzi shot was published online and in the tabloids, that Kinky Nostalgia is in fact a man in drag. His 'real name' is as of yet still unknown.

Early Life
Kinky was born Elphaba Vaher at some point in the 1900's. The exact date, day, month, and year fluctuates wildly between each and every interview she has given. Not much is known about Kinky's life before her move to the city, though she frequently alludes to the somewhat strained relationship between 'herselph' and her abusive parents. Occasionally in her act she will also mention a family member who has some remarkable trait or criminal conviction. The landlord of the Temporal Tavern, Dimmeh Looming, once said: "In any other circumstance these would be dismissed as part of the act, but with [Kinky] it's impossible to tell."

What is known is that Kinky "moved downtown when I was just nineteen, to start a new life". According to her exclusive interview with HERRO? Magazine, ex-roommate Tanoshimi Tabak spoke of how she and her then girlfriend Daffy Thei met the then Elphaba on the streets of London. Accordng to Tano she was dressed as a witch and obviously new to the area. Elphaba was immediately taken in by the couple who showed her around and let her move in with them. Over a few months things became strained. Elphaba was often out on the town or exploring abroad, and contributing nothing to the rent. Due to this, her dislike of Elphaba's friend-cum-stalker, and a romantic misunderstanding, Daffy gave Elphaba enough money to buy a vehicle, and promptly kicked her out.

Elphaba worked her way to the town of Katrina, where she began work as an escort and go-go dancer. Often she would meet prospective clients in multistory parking lots or down alleyways. During this period Elphaba fell in with the wrong crowd. She became part of a hardcore biker gang who named themselves 'thedoctors'. It was during this time she began her lifelong struggle with drug and alcohol addiction. She even started stealing, and began selling souls she'd stolen on the black market for massive amounts of money. This money was spent on Elpha's (as she was known to the gang) extensive wardrobe.

Career
Kinky began her career under the name of Elphaba Vaher in July 2008 when she moved to Willow's Creek at the age of 19. Originally working as a waitress in the sleazy dive bar 'The Bitch's Stiches', Elphaba branched out into singing when the main star ( KitKat Kassner ) of the nightly cabaret show accidentally hit the back of her head and accidentally fell down the stairs and accidentally locked herself in the basement of the club.

Despite considering herselph a huge success, the patrons of the club did not think so and began to heckle Vaher. At this point Elphaba returned to waitressing and kitchen work, until she poisoned the negative patrons of the club in late August 2008. When questioned as to why in her statement to the police, Vaher said "''I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. And they don't need it in theirs. I was helping them. I'm a helper". ''Elphaba was sentenced to life imprisonment in the Fugmoor State Penitentiary Prison for Inmates who belong in the Jailhouse, but was let out after 3 months due to good behaviour. There are rumours she was released because the other inmates were so afraid of her, but no-one knows as to why.

Returning to the city in November 2008, Elphaba found the difficulties of a harsh economic climate a very real problem, and began a short run as an international jewel thief with her partner in crime Loren Braveheart. This duo was short-lived when Loren went missing. Vaher decided to move away from stealing jewels and instead began to procure and sell rare artifacts on the black market. This trade came to an end when the army raided her storage facility, confiscated her collection, and had her comitted to Chalkham's Hospital, where she would later meet her stalker Waffle for the first time. The incident at her hearing was highly sensationalized by the press.

Upon her release from Chalkham's in May 2010, Vaher began working for a government organisation based in the town of Katrina, Cardyiff. During her time here she became aquaintances with the rising star Lyssa Starsmith, then relatively unknown. The two would often go out in groups to watch local performers, and Vaher began a new stage career, this time under the name ' Lady Maggot '. Vaher worked in Katrina until May 2012 - with a breif hiatus when she was arrested and returned to Chalkhams, albeit this time in maximum security. The destruction of Katrina brought an end to Vaher's tenure there as a government operative, and she returned to the city of Fugmoor. By this time she had an established following as Lady Maggot, and was able to support herself performing in nightclubs and at corporate events.

On 12th August 2012 Elphaba was involved in a serious accident which hospitalised her and left her in a coma. During this time it was reported she died and was resurrected by a local gypsy witch, but these claims remain unfounded. After awakening from this coma, Vaher started a relationship with local hunk Olly Novo, star of the hit TV series Sassy that Walk. The moment their love blossomed was immortalised in the painting " These Robes are Stylin '!" which shows the two's first kiss. While Elphaba was in a coma. Tragically their relationship dd not last for long, when Novo was found dead in his basement apartment seven days later. Vaher withdrew from public life and again returned to Chalkham's, this time checking herself in.

After an extended stay Elphaba said goodbye to Lady Maggot, returned to society in October 2012, and began calling herself Pamela. Deep within a new psychosis, 'Pamela' would only clothe herself in leaves and vines, injecting chlorophyll into her skin to turn it green, and living in buildings over-run with foliage grown from a pot plant Novo gave her. It is an established fact she was not quite right during this period. The infamous atrocities she committed while "trying to get this world to look as stylin' as he would have wanted it", have often been explained away as a reaction to grief. The tipping point came when Doctor Texan broke into her greenhouse, restrained her and forced her to watch as he hacked her 'babies' to bits. This incident, designed to help Elphaba recover was instead branded " the Texan chainsaw massacre " in the tabloids, who sided with Vaher when it emerged the doctor had been strangled with poison ivy vines, and then fed to a carnivorous plant Vaher had developed using mysterious artifacts. The alleged ecoterroism 'Pamela' inflicted on the city of Fugmoor resulted in her being locked up in Chalkham's once more. She was not sentenced for the murder of Doctor Texan as no evidence could be found she comitted the deed. According to the forensics report: "it was as if the plants themselves killed him." This time she was placed in solitary confinement. Eelectroshock therapy perfected by Doctor Texan was used in her treatment.

Returning to the public eye in February 2013 as Elphaba once again, Vaher became even more dependent on drugs and alcohol to survive. In multiple interviews she fell apart, broke down sobbing, or didn't turn up altogether. During this period Vaher lost the majority of her fan's support, when it was revealed she was the killer of Loren Braveheart. No charges were pressed by the Mayor. Wanting to avoid reality, Elphaba again withdrew into a fantasy, finding solace in her clothes and makeup. During this period her clothes began to become increasingly more outlandish, and major couture fashion houses started clamouring for her to wear their garments every day.

In October 2013 Elphaba was found within a top secret, high security, sealed vault in Facility 17, and was ordered to pay a fine of $73 for tresspassing. The mystery surrounding this case re-ignited the public's hunger for Elphaba, and she was again thrust into the spotlight as a guest judge on the talent show " Where's the Noodles? ". The desire for Elphaba's return to the stage was steadily rising, and by December 2013 she had released her debut album " IDK I CANT RMEMBER LET ME FIND IT " which topped itself on the charts of Fugmoor FM, becoming so popular the radio station's casette tape shredded and the tracks became unplayable.

In January 2014 Elphaba slumped into a deep depression, again turning to smoking, drink, pills and partying to cure her blues. It was in this part of the city's nightlife that she began performing again, returning to her roots as a campy cabaret act. This mixture of glamour, gowns, glitter, and emotionally powerful performances became her most successful treatment yet, and while Elphaba still relies heavily on drinking and smoking to cope, "because sometimes just getting up is beaing brave", she is happier than she has been in a long time. Richer too, as she became so popular that in July of 2014, she was invited to give a special birthday concert performance at Vaher Castle for herself and Her Majesty the Queen, as two claim they share the same birthday. Unfortunately the Queen was unable to attend due to sickness, and spent the evening recovering in her rooms.

Due to a severe case of identity theft, Elphaba changed her name in the summer of 2014 to Kinky Nostalgia.

In August 2014 pictures revealing Kinky Nostalgia is a drag queen were released online. Her career remains unaffected.

Controversy
Some shit happened and there were consequences but I ain't got endless amounts of time to write it all down here so just fucking WAIT.

So much controversy. so much.

Accusations of Mental Instability & Assassination Attempt
Kinky Nostalgia has been accused of a variety of mental instabilities increasingly often over the past few years. This has not diminished the public's affection for me.

Starting in August 2013, the first instance was during filming of "The Lyssie Show" when co-star and host, Lyssa Starsmith, invited the audience to ask Kinky questions live on camera. During the session one guest, Niko Geddins, launched into a tirade against Kinky, refusing to use her name and instead repeatedly calling her Elpha. Geddins accused Kinky of being a violent, abusive psychopath, with arsonesque tendencies - claims Kinky hotly denied. Geddins then produced a gun and fired six shots toards the stage. Geddins was subdued by Starsmith when she produced her own gun and shot him in the knee. He was taken away by security and released into the sewers as the police were unable to attend, due to the recent theft & destruction of their sole vehichle.

The second accusation came in February 2014, during the cable special "Helping Herselph" - a documentary produced by the SLUG network going behind the scenes on Kinky's life. When interviewed for the programme, Doctor Texan claimed Kinky was living in a state of dreaming, devoid of reality. Texan insisted Kiky was a real person who had very real problems that needed addressing. Texan went on to state he treated Elphaba in her youth, during the time she spent in Chalkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. The doctor insisted Elphaba and Kinky were seperate personalities, each fighting for dominance within the brain, possibly created by some immense trauma in the patient's early life, trauma which was increased by the loss of her beloved Olly Novo. He further added there is nothing left of the original person, as their mind was lost years ago. The doctor Texan is widely regarded as a quack whose theories have little to no credulence by fans of the performer. His comments on the show were met with fierce opposition due to Kinky having withdrawn from society due to a bout of depression.

The third and most recent accusation, as well as the most fanciful, came in September 2014. While en route to pay her respects to the grave of Olly Novo, Kinky was ambushed by a group of protestors and religious zealots, led by longtime hostile party: Lee Ferduccio. Ferduccio claimed Kinky was a fraud who was in league with secret societies and the Devil. Ferduccio and his followers claimed Kinky was "a demon whore back from the dead", and using magic for nefarious deeds, such as the disappearance of their ally Niko Geddins. After repeatedly trying to leave the scene, Ferduccio shouted in Kinky's face, and kicked over the flowers she had placed on Olly's grave. Ferduccio's group claim Kinky then ripped his soul out of his body, and devoured it in front of him. Medical reports show he died of heart failure. Kinky Nostalgia did not attend the funeral.

Legal Action
At her hearing the morning after Vaher's arrest for stealing, she behaved erratically. She claimed the police had violated her civil rights, demanded an attorney, and threw an inkwell at the judge. He immediately sentenced her to 180 days in Chalkham's. She knocked down a policeman and bruised another, along with a matron. She ran to a phone booth where she tried to call her attorney, but was subdued by the police. They physically carried her away as she shouted, "Have you ever had a broken heart?"

Private Life
The personal affairs of Kinky Nostalgia are not often broadcast. There is relatively little that the public know beyond the stage persona, and the conjecture of books, interviews, and conspiracy theories.

In 2013 Kinky made a statement to the press requesting they not photograph her apartment through the windows. She has since won numerous legal battles to create a series of injunctions and restraining orders preventing most major newspapers and tabloids from entering the street where she lives.